The Borg On Marrying Young

Now, I know some of my readers married young. What I am about to say is not a judgment on them, so please don't take offense at what I say, it's not aimed at you, at all. That said, I'm going to be shamelessly perscriptive (and ironic), but that's okay - it's not like I'm the Moral Implimentor.

As we all know, there are pressures on the young in Christian circles to give into their desires and marry since they are "burning with passion". So there will be some lusty young man who can't control himself, chooses a girl because "she's hot" (single, and a Christian) and gets married without further consideration.

He soon discovers that marriage is tough. His wife has many unlovable qualities. Since he married thinking that the only important characteristic of marriage was sex, he neglected to choose someone whom he could talk to, share with and be a companion to. He didn't realise that his wife needs to be kept happy in more than one way. He thought, "it's only about sex right? The other stuff is easy." Since her husband is not meeting her needs, and is a thoughtless kinda guy, she fails to respect him. Ergo the couple has a rubbish marriage. He doesn't love her (only lusts her) and she doesn't respect him.

A further problem might occur if he's a smart kind of guy, but his wife is a bimbo. He'll eventually get bored of her, and meet attractive intelligent women at, say, church whom he does not tire of. Even if he doesn't have an affair with such a woman, he might commit adultry with them in his heart, and lead them astray too.

But, Shyborg, you say, we're talking about Christians here. Surely Christians would be compelled to work at their marriages, and even after the mistake of marrying for lust would try to know their spouses? I reply, yes they would. But at what cost? Might this be what St Paul refers to when he says marriage takes one away from being concerned with the Lord to being filled with one's spouses concerns? Why make life hard for oneself, when all that energy (poured into a relationship) could be used for serving God outside of marriage?

I'm not saying don't get married. But I do say marry someone with great consideration. Think about all aspects of your relationship, and think of the gaps that someone else might end up filling. And I don't think I'm being idealistic in reccomending that a Christain waits a while until someone really suitable and worthy comes along, someone who is easy to love/respect. Before I tell show that this is possible, let me address a possible objection:

What if a young couple is burning with passion? Should they not get married? Here I will perhaps be harsh. To answer this objection I ask: What is that led them to be in such a state? Were they being sexually impure whilst going out? Were either parties feeding their sexual desires, and so priming themselves for lust? So much of our sexual immorality is the result of comprimise, a whoring of ourselves with the sexual expectations of popular culture and the world. If we want to be serious about sexual purity, we have to be worried about more than just p0rn.

Case study: I've had the privledge of getting to know a slightly older Christian couple. We'll call them Al and Lou. At first glance they seem like an unlikely pair. She's a tall Anglo, he's short and Asian. She was late 20's, and he early 30's when they got married. Late for Christians. However, my respect for them increases the more I get to know them. You can tell that they are truely in love. They flirt and tease each other, and they treat each other beautifully. He's hilarious, intelligent and bold. She is gentle, wise and witty. They are both other person centered. She says that every morning they have to spend at least an hour deep in discussion, to "catch up". It's clear that through their marriage, they have brought out the best in each other.