I'm a little animal crawling away into a hole and dying
I had a hair cut today. Not entirely happy with it but I suppose it will grow on me.
Today I felt like such a pathetic Christian. Philosophy tutorials are scary. I am also scared of sounding too harsh whenever I present an opinion. I also find myself being to harsh or insensitive in interactions that I immediatly regret it afterwards... By interactions I mean conversations in general including pathetic attempts at evangelizing. I guess I'm just too concerned with what people think of me. I want to be "Super-Evangelist" the super-sensitive, super-godly, super holy, super bold, super-smart, super-trendy, super-pretty, super-helpful, super-articulate super girl who is in control of all social situations, doesn't offend, speaks up in tutorials and explains the gospel clearly, correctly and politely every time. But this just isn't the right attitude. Firstly, God is in control of social situations, not me. Secondly, God can use failers like me. Thirdly, me wanting to be a super-hero is just an attempt at futile self improvement which is the very thing Jesus saves us from. Fourthly, if I did become this Super Evangelist, I'm sure I'd just end up falling away in my own arrogance and self assurance.
At the same time, however, that I would like to become a better evangelist! And I need to read the Bible more.
Sorry folks if you wanted to read this for happy thoughts and just got a dose of Puddleglum. So, I'll give you a hopeful parting message: God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son, so that whoever believes in him may not die but have eternal life. Because ultimatly, that's what gives us hope. I just wish more people could get hope from it. It makes angry that people reject God, but really it should break my heart.
posted by The Borg @ 8:53 PM
3 comments
3 Comments:
Well, angry is a start, I suppose. =) Points 1, 2 and 3 are probably the best ways to stay encouraged; God can use our best and worst efforts however He chooses.
Point 4 is possibly a realistic warning, but not something I'd've thought of. Maybe it depends on motivations? And I suspect one couldn't /actually/ be a genuine super evangelist without being humble as well, so in that sense it's still something for all of us to aspire to.
Slo u just reminded me (as happens constantly) of one of my favourites things Paul wrote, in Romans 6:
"You see, at just the right time, when we were still powerless, Christ died for the ungodly. Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us."
It's comforting to know God saved us when he saw us at our worst, not our best.
You shouldn't worry what other people think - that will just be pure hell for someone like you. I know from harsh experience. When you walk into Philosophy next, look everyone in the face and say in your heart "I don't need your approval"...
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